I really don’t read.
I mean, I read things that are necessary for my survival—like microwave heating instructions and TV listings. And I occasionally go back and read some of the things I write.
But I can’t think of the last book I attempted to read of my own free will. (Probably something by Judy Blume.)
Does that make me less cultured than the average person? Possibly. But the fact that Sheetz is my favorite restaurant definitely does.
I go through phases where I think I should probably give books a shot, but then an Ice Road Truckers marathon comes on.
Still, I’ve got about 53 documents on my desktop that contain the first page (or more commonly: the first paragraph) of books I’ve started to write. Turns out it’s insanely difficult if you don’t bring up vampires.
That’s why it astounds/sickens me that the New York Times bestseller list consistently contains books by Duff McKagan, anyone with the last name “Palin” and more than one member of the cast of Jersey Shore.
Granted, these are mostly just assembly-line memoirs that are much more consumer products than literature.
But still, there’s no denying that Snooki is a far more prolific author than I am.
So when I heard about Celebrity Autobiography–this book reading series that features people like Kristen Wiig reading ridiculous excerpts from books by people like Suzanne Somers–I was intrigued. Because if I’m not going to read any of the Harry Potter books, I’m for sure not gonna read the autobiography of Destiny’s Child. But at least now I know I wasn’t missing out on anything.
Here are two of my favorites: